Grandparents: A valuable resource

Cynthia Lopinto Feature Article Leave a comment 2,404 Views

By CYN LoPINTO
Editor-in-chief, gerontologist

Being a grandparent doesn’t necessarily require a biological tie. You can be a grandpa or grandma to any child needing an older person in their life. While many of this country’s children have biological grandparents, the joys and rewards associated with grandparenting are truly open for all elders. It can be an unforgettable and meaningful experience.

An older adult who had trouble as a parent, may find the role of a grandparent an easier and more rewarding one. It is often viewed as a “second chance.” However, the burden of full responsibility is not on them. There is a lot more freedom here.

The main thing grandparents can do for their grandkids is to nurture them. All children need this. By showing love and encouragement, a positive self-image will form. It is hard to be a kid today. Many mothers are working outside the home, and a large number of children are growing up in single parent homes. Grandparents can help fill this gap. Kids need someone, in addition to their parents, to count on and trust. It is this expanded sense of belonging that intergenerational relationships foster.

Another important role of a grandparent is that of a family historian. Grandparents are the “windows of time,” and by sharing information on the way things use to be, generations link together. Children will take away some historical perspective and a true kinship to their heritage. They will learn about family values, traditions and important events.

Storytelling is a great way to relay this message. Be sure to pay attention to the interest level and ages of your grandchildren. While teens have no trouble grasping the concept of distant time, younger kids will be more interested in stories about their parents as children (especially what they got in trouble for)! Teens need continuity and would benefit from seeing how you dealt with peer pressure in your day. Other storytelling tips are – planning ahead, making sure to be yourself, not repeating the same stories and eliminating any environmental distractions.

Becoming a mentor is a third way to successfully grandparent. A mentor is defined as “an enlightened and empowered person, a wise and faithful counselor.” Mentors use wisdom, talent, skills and experience to lift the child to his full potential. What you specifically choose here could be a vocational skill, something you do best or just an activity that you really enjoy doing. A suggestion could also come from the grandchild.

You may need to take the initiative when it comes to mentoring. Let your enthusiasm inspire those around you. You can work on a hobby in front of your grandchildren and see if they show any interest. Perhaps ask them to help you. Be flexible and stay alert to opportunities that may pop up when you least expect it. Don’t let obstacles like aging stereotypes and negative family members squash your efforts. Keep trying. Remember, when a grandparent mentors, he/she makes a commitment of friendship and trust to that child. Consistency is key here.

A fourth role of a grandparent is to promote a positive model of aging. Work on being the best you can be by making conscious choices in all areas of your life. Don’t assume that you know what your grandchildren are thinking in relationship to issues involving aging. Talk to them about it. If they are getting most of their ideas about getting older from the media, then they could really benefit from a grandparent’s perspective. Show a positive attitude and dispel stereotypes. While certain physical losses may be present, try not to dwell on them in front of the grandkids. Instead, offer examples of adaptability and appreciation of the good things in life. Talk about future plans and lifelong learning. Today’s younger generation should see that others do put some faith in the future.

Another valuable role of a grandparent is to share the wisdom that can accompany growing older with this new generation. Wisdom comes from life experience, but more importantly, insight. You can have the experiences, but if you don’t get anything from these experiences, there is no wisdom. With knowledge should come flexibility and responsibility. Wise people see what is essential in life and throw away the rest. Younger adults may make snap decisions and leap to conclusions, but a wiser person will step back and look at the whole picture. There is often a spiritual component here as well.

We can help our grandchildren in this area by teaching them the values that are important. Practice telling stories that have a hidden moral and see if they pick it up. Show examples of people that do wrong, actually getting punished. Teach them to be thankful for what they have and to be compassionate to those who are without. Share your “take” on the world around you and what you believe to be the true meaning of life.

If you are a grandparent living far away from your grandchildren, you are certainly not alone. With increases in mobility due to travel opportunities and the reality of split extended families caused by divorce, loved ones are scattered throughout the country. By making an effort through telephoning and writing letters, you can still be an effective grandparent to far-away grandkids. Send them funny and interesting mail. You could get copies made of old pictures and design a pictorial family tree. Jot down funny stories about their parents and put them in a journal. Encourage them to share things about their life as well. Sometimes just knowing someone is interested, is all kids need to open up. You’ll all benefit.

If you don’t have any grandchildren or are in a situation where a relationship with your own grandkids is not possible, find a surrogate grandchild. There are children without a grandparent-type role model in every city and town throughout the country. Call your local social service agency and ask about intergenerational volunteer opportunities. By mentoring a child, you have a hand in the development of a caring and responsible adult. What could be more rewarding?

Source: “Grandparents Are Forever” by Carolyn Gutowski

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Cynthia Lopinto

Cyn LoPinto, M.A. is a gerontologist focusing on significant issues affecting older adults and their families. Her areas of interest include lifestyle enrichment, family dynamics, and caregiver support. Cyn has worked in both the recreational and healthcare industries.