Eternally maternal

Cynthia Lopinto Feature Article Leave a comment 2,663 Views

By BETTY LAMMERS
Contributing writer

There is no such thing as a former mother. From the moment we hear the squall of an infant, followed by the pronouncement, “Mrs. ____, you have a boy/girl.” We will remain a mother for all the ensuing years. Talk about commitment – this is the ultimate one!

There are many stages of motherhood. A newborn is totally dependent on us and we relish the feeling of importance, while at the same time, being overwhelmed with the responsibility. After the first year, we begin to get enough sleep to handle it.

… Just in time to go through the fitness program of chasing a toddler away from wall sockets and electronic buttons. Their reach is extraordinary. Speech begins to appear and one of the first five words will be “no.” We mothers use a lot of these in training and they come back a hundred-fold over the years ahead.

The first day of school is heart-wrenching for moms. For the first time, someone else will be responsible for our child for a few hours. We wave them off, feeling saddened, and come home to the empty house where we find that we can do a day’s work in one hour and actually have some time to ourselves. We realize, “Hey, this is great!”

If you raise a volunteer, you will find that you become busier than ever. “My mother can drive us,” or, “My mother can bake the cupcakes,” keeps the car active and the oven warm for most of the school years. We have kids playing little league, softball, soccer, etc., and the days are filled with activities. Always a drive required – guess who?

Toward the end of the high school years, we are called upon to get them their driver’s permit and stretch our sacrificing spirit a bit further – teach them to drive. Weeks of K-turns and parallel parking practice and they finally take and pass the test. For a few weeks, they will do any errand available for us. Shoe repairs, dry cleaning, even grocery shopping will be done as long as they can use the car. We enjoy this as long as it lasts, because soon the car is only borrowed for their own usage.

When they go away to college, we feel the deepest pangs of separation. We hope what we taught them over the years is remembered. The strings are being cut entirely for now and we are aware that the first semester will be hard to handle for them. The euphoric feeling of being independent and not answering to a higher source has its price. No one will remind them of a paper due on Monday or to get enough sleep before the big exam. It usually takes the first semester for them to set the right priorities, but we don’t know about that until the first set of marks is given. Ignorance is bliss. Meanwhile, after the so-called “empty nest syndrome” is coped with, we begin to enjoy our individuality again. We go to sleep not listening for the car to return home, we eat meals at our own convenience, the laundry is less and so is the grocery bill.

But moms are always there and they know it. We’ll get a lot of calls for financial help over the college years and some nice open talks about classes, friends and activities. And when they come home over the holidays, we are talking to another adult and really liking what they have become. Motherhood is a commitment well worth it. Happy
Mother’s Day.

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Cynthia Lopinto

Cyn LoPinto, M.A. is a gerontologist focusing on significant issues affecting older adults and their families. Her areas of interest include lifestyle enrichment, family dynamics, and caregiver support. Cyn has worked in both the recreational and healthcare industries.